Tammy’s Adventure Begins!

                    The SIZOTHIGHS SQUEAK.

                   27th DECEMBER 1970

      HEADLINES- FAMOUS AUTHOR GUNNED DOWN IN BOXING DAY MASSACRE! 

       The peace of a quiet Boxing Day morning was shattered by gunfire at Sizothighs Hall today,home of the Thighs family,from unknown assailants for what reason we have still to find out.Justin Caine,author of such classics as To Canada Most Cautiously and Big Thumb Left Hand,is today recovering in the local cottage hospital from wounds received in this morning’s shootout.Always stoic his remarks were “Strawberries and Champagne fed intravenously will cure my ills”whilst having the young nurses pandering willingly to his every whim.Nobody else was around to comment as it’s believed that there were other casualties from the household.Police have issued a D Notice as several bodies were seen being loaded into a non descript van.

The Man Himself Waiting For The Off-Weapon In Hand.

Loubey Lou wondering where her Dodge is.

Tammy rushing to bid farewell to Justin.

              Game day had arrived and today’s participants were Herr O’Brien and Comrade Gilchristi taking the parts of F.U.B.A.R (Federation of Unified Bad Guys and Rascals)and the Swalbardian Secret Police respectively whilst El Presidente assumed responsibility for the gallant defenders.

Roger The Gamekeeper keeping out of Peggy’s clutches.

Storing the vittels and providing some protection for anyone stupid enough to climb the wall here.

Granny out hunting the peasants.

            “Are you sure you need to leave so soon Justin?I was looking forward to a rather intimate weekend of Scrabble and siestas.”Tammy was bidding adieu to her confidant Justin Caine.”Sorry Tammy but if I don’t return to the land of the Toblerone today the British Taxman will be after a hefty slice of my ill gotten gains.”Their tête-à-tête was interrupted by the arrival of a Post Office van.”Morning Miss Tammy,Morning Sir,I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas?We have just received this unusual bag accompanied by a telegram.Tammy took the telegram.”Thank you Burnsie,Would you like a warmer upperer in the kitchen I’m sure Flossie would love to warm you up.””No thanks Miss I’d better be heading back to the office,Any reply?””No thanks Burnsie”was the reply.Burnsie got back into his van and drove towards the front gate.

Snowman sentry on guard duty.

The start of a busy morning.

“Aha!My car!”

        No sooner had Burnsie left up the drive when the sound of pistol and shotgun fire started resonating from the west side of the estate.”That’s pistol fire as well as shotgun fire.Is that you’re grandmother dealing with poachers?”enquired Justin.”No!”uttered Tammy “I seen her earlier heading for Peasant’s Wood that must be Roger the Gamekeeper.””Stay here Tammy and I’ll take a look”uttered Justin ,”No doubt it’ll be a false alarm.I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Justin protecting Tammy’s rear.

           

That’s what happens when you climb an icy wall in a skirmish line.

Out of sequence-The Swalbardians arrive.

The Back Up.

Tammy showing off her Marks and Spencer’s negligee.

So set the scene for an afternoon of shooting,attempted looting and falling on one’s ‘arris.Using Black Op’s rules the game kicked off with both squads of bad guys trying a different approach to the Manor House.Herr O’Brien chose stealth whilst Comrade Gilchristi chose the direct approach meaning his gang had to cross a wall that was very icy as well as very high resulting in half of his gang ending up on their butts.A good start -not.Their leader Count Sergei Boobtitsky(honest it’s a real name.)who was taking a sabbatical from his role as Cultural Attaché at the Swalbardian Embassy in order to take in the cool,crisp clean air. The problem then arose when they caused enough commotion to arouse the suspicions of Roger the gamekeeper who was trying to keep away from the amorous intentions of Peggy Smallbone -Tammy’s mother-at least for the morning.He ignored these intrusive noises nearly to his peril as the gunmen who were still standing opened fire on him albeit missing him with every shot.He replied with both barrels of his Purdey shotgun taking out Count Boobtitsky with his first shot. I hope he enjoyed the cool crisp clean air as it was his last gasp. The secret police were now leaderless.

Count Pille arrives with his gang.

     

And even they slip climbing the wall.

“Mama Mia Idiota!”

On the other side of the grounds Herr O’Brien took the stealthy approach but still two of his gang fell on their ‘ariss.This drew the attention of Loubey Lou,Tammy’s assistant but she put it down to badgers frolicking in the woods.Herr O’Brien had skilfully made his way through Badger Wood avoiding the not so all seeing eyes of the robot snowman sentries.This silent approach was shot down in flames when Count Pille’s driver decided that stopping the mail van was the number one priority even although the telegram had already been delivered.Count Pille launched into a tirade of expletives at the unfortunate driver who’s lack of knowledge of the Italian language made him stare at the Count in amazement.This hullabaloo awakened everyone on the estate including the

Incurring the wrath of the rabble after dispatching the Count.

Down but not out.

         

From Roger to Justin.

Meanwhile Justin Caine had left the protection of his Bentley and charged towards the beleaguered gamekeeper taking a snapshot from his newly produced pistol and doing away with one of the bad guys in the process.Tammy herself had dived towards her Cobra which had been handily parked at the front door of the mansion ready for a quick departure should the need arise.Using the remote control carefully hidden about her body she unlocked the car and grabbed her weapon from its secret compartment and crouched behind her bulletproof car and began to trade shots with Herr O’Brien’s approaching gunmen.

Loubey Lou fending them off.

But goes down from a Count Pille shot only to be dispatched himself by Peggy.

“Booyah!”

             Granny paused from taking shots at the peasants in the wood when she heard the sound of approaching gunfire and with her Purdey at the ready she moved as fast as her senior legs would take her but not as fast as when she escaped from the Boche after waylaying Mata Hari in a drinking contest.By the time she had come into pistol range she had offed one of Herr O’Brien’s ruffians -fur hat and

Straight from the hunt.

       Roger the Gamekeeper was holding his own as the secret police were having an off day shot wise but obviously thought that one shot would count.Bang!Down went another thug and the Swalbardian police were rapidly diminishing.Justin Caine had arrived to either help or compare notes about mother and daughter Thighs.No sooner had Caine arrived when Roger went down from a lucky shot.Poor guy although he had taken three bad guys with him.This left Justin Caine to take on the remaining four.He took one out(and not for dinner)before succumbing to a lucky shot from one of the remaining gunmen.

Bag guys going for a shot before getting trampled.

               Tammy,after retrieving her gun,picked up the suitcase and headed into the relative safety of the stately home accompanied by Puffsnort the butler.Once she had reached safety she read the telegram which had been sent by her sister Sammy informing her that she had received information about the whereabouts of their estranged father who had disappeared years before whilst in the secret service of her majesty and that Tammy had to fly immediately to Freetown in Sierra Leone tout suite.Tammy showed the telegram to her mother Peggy who whilst startled  to receive news about her husband as she was led to believe he had perished on assignment told Tammy that she had to drive immediately to Buggerorf airfield where she should fly using The “Gos” to Freetown and find her sister.

Bummer-blown engine.

             Granny moved up behind a pile of logs in order to lend support to Loubey Lou who had been trading shots with the remainder of Herr O’Brien’s minions who had ducked en masse behind an MG.Loubey Lou was hoping her precious Dodge Challenger wasn’t going to get peppered by gunshots as she was hoping to drive to Gstaad for both the skiing and inevitable apres-ski.Count Pille arrived to his cowering minions and after remonstrating with them in Italian which went down well as none of them could speak Italian took aim at Loubey Lou and proceeded to nail her with one shot.Bang goes the skiing holiday.Peggy dashed out of the mansion front door,took cover and gained revenge by cruelly taking out Count Pille with one shot before he could even mutter Mama Mia.Once again he missed the shark tank.This gave Tammy the opportunity to dash for her car and head for the aerodrome.She was distracted by the sound of granny going down to a sneaky shot from one of Herr O’Brien’s diminishing minions.Poor granny.

Trampled under foot.

         Peggy immediately turned round to witness the victors of the struggle against Justin slowly making their way towards his Bentley not knowing that Flossie was lying in wait ready to launch a plant pot at them but just as she was about to let fly Peggy took out one of the encroaching bad guys and the remaining minions with their best Swalbardian utterances legged it back towards the icy

   

Granny before going down.

 No sooner had Tammy reached and started her car,the sound of hunting horns were heard announcing the arrival of the cavalry-well three riders from the local Boxing Day hunt suitably fortified by sherry from the stirrup cup.They arrived in time to waylay the remaining O’Brien minions. The only problem was that they had got off a parting shot which blew the engine of the Cobra bringing it to a standstill.So much for the sel-defence mechanisms.

          Tammy survived and after making sure there were no serious casualties,got dressed into something more comfortable and made her way to Buggerorf airfield to continue her journey and her adventure on the Dark Continent-but did she make it to Buggerorf airfield-watch this space!

         To Be Continued!